When I was young, I was bullied. I was bullied because I had
a dark complexion, I don’t have perfect teeth, I am living far from school and
so on and so forth. Honestly, at a young age, I didn’t know what bullying was.
What my innocent mind can grasp that time was my classmates don’t like me and
that there is a standard to be in a school. I never knew it was already
bullying. I was hurt. I told my mom that my classmates calls me “Negra” and I
equate it as ugly, but my mom keeps on telling me that no one is ugly that
everyone is created beautiful. What she did was to boost my morale and told me
to ignore them as much as I can. I remember that she would always tell me, “Do
not do unto others what others don’t want to do to you.” Through the years, I
lived by that saying.
When I reached high school and college, with all the trials
in my life, I became tough. Mom always reminds me to be strong and be at my
best so I cannot be belittled by people. She was right. I gained that
confidence and was able to face challenges in my life with ease.
That was then, more than a decade ago.
But things change with kids. I had to set aside a lot of
things that I choose to be the better person for them. I choose to assert my
rights depending on the situation. With all the crazy people in the world, I
have to control my emotions. When I had
my eldest, I still fight for what is right. I lash out my anger towards people
and God knows what happen next.
But now that I have three children, I now choose to be
different. I learned that they are sponge and that they absorb my emotions so
much that I have to control mine first. Instead of being mad at the waiter for
not serving the proper meal, I choose to be patient and be kind. Instead of
lashing out on a person for cutting the line at the grocery store, I choose to
be quiet and just patiently wait for my turn. Instead of getting mad at
somebody for bumping, I choose to understand. It. Is. Hard. I tell you. The
moment I want to make things right yet my mind says control your emotions
because I have to be a role model is hard!
In this world where everything else is chaos and mad, I have
to raise my children in a way that they will not become the bullies of the next
generation. I have to raise them to be kind and understanding and also remind
them to be good in whatever way they can.
Being a mom, I always pick a battle that gives victory. I
don’t want to pick up fights that will haunt me later on. Motherhood changes
every single thing.
