It was almost 12 midnight and everybody else is busy playing and making a mess. Despite the continuous and repetitive reminder to go to sleep, my toddlers won't listen and seem to have a world of their own and continued to do their thing. I honestly couldn't count the times I utter the words "go to sleep" in one night. A few minutes later, while me and the youngest is in the bathroom, the eldest went to the room and told the husband that my daughter accidentally kicked her on his cheek/head. Then, blood is gushing again from his nose. Another nosebleed. Honestly, it is hard for me to see my children that way. Despite being a nurse, it pains me to see my children sick or having a booboo. It breaks my heart all the time. But wait, I just told them to go to sleep right? And then this. I was crying deep inside already. The frustration, exhaustion as well as the unfinished chores has been eating me up again. These are the moments when I could just lock myself all day in the room and sleep it off.
While the working moms are dealing with everyday traffic and sad about the milestones of their children they missed, I am dealing with all the things in our house. Well, who else will, right? Everyday, I would start it with hot coffee and hopefully could enjoy sipping it three times before the youngest realized that his mom is not beside him anymore. But I only get to enjoy my coffee twice in a week. I would wake up my son and prep him for school and deal with the horrible morning ritual, five days in a week. I cannot blame him though, me and my siblings were like him way back then.
Honestly, I don't want to look at our house anymore. Every corner of it makes my eye sore. It's all messed up. I felt like punishing myself all the time for cleaning it and just messing it up every single time. So, I would spare myself some sanity and just go on with our lives. After all, I am not alone in this. Every SAHM out there is dealing the same. But only a few understands our sentiments.
Again, I am not complaining. I am just trying to breathe out a little of my frustration through this writing and hopefully help a SAHM feel better too. I have lived with this situation for seven long years now and I must say, while I see all my children's milestones, it's a bit tiring at some point. A mom needs some time to recharge and let out exhaustion once in a while. Being at home is never easy. I deal with chores, children and take care of the husband and get drained at the end of the day. Every. Single. Day.
I know what I am going through right now is hard but things will get better. I have said this a lot of times and I know God never fails us.
Now, I felt better. Rant and frustration over.
Cheers to the mommies out there dealing with chores! Hugs to you from a messed up mom in this side of the world.
